Undisclosed City, Probably L.A., October 15 – Members of the Halloween Idols Initiative meet for the first ever Safe Kids Summit yesterday in the hopes of minimizing Halloween-related accidents involving children, and sometimes, sloppy parents, too.
HIA—a 3000-member strong association of otherworldly celebrities of both current and bygone pop culture tropes and characters— the oldest member of which is the Scarecrow, while the youngest include the current Halloween It-Emos from Inside Out, was formed primarily to keep Halloween as fun as possible, sans setbacks of any kind.
Appointed President, Batman, alongside department heads namely, Joy (Trick-or-Treats Trail Safety), Harry Potter (Driving Safety), Princess Elsa (Costume Safety), and Marge Simpson (Home Safety) gather with some 1000 members (other members failed to attend due to prior engagements) for a daylong discussion on critical matters such as “how long is safe-long in terms of lightsabers and how soft is safe-soft in terms of pumpkins.” After the close-room meeting, HIA officials faced the members of the press to share their agreed Halloween safety standards
Inside Out’s perennial life of the party, Joy, was the first to take the podium and joyfully discussed Trick-or-Treats Trail Safety. Here are her recommendations:
- Cross the street at corners, using traffic signals and crosswalks.
- Look left, right and left again when crossing and keep looking as you cross.
- Put electronic devices down and keep heads up and walk, don’t run, across the street.
- Teach children to make eye contact with drivers before crossing in front of them.
- Always walk on sidewalks or paths. If there are no sidewalks, walk facing traffic as far to
the left as possible. Children should walk on direct routes with the fewest street crossings.
- Watch for cars that are turning or backing up. Teach children to never dart out into the street or cross between parked cars.
- Children under the age of 12 should not be alone without adult supervision. If kids are mature enough to be out without supervision, they should stick to familiar areas that are well lit and trick-or-treat in groups.
Quidditch superstar and wizarding world heartthrob, Harry Potter, shared his recommendations on Safe Driving:
- Slow down and be especially alert in residential neighborhoods. Children are excited on Halloween and may move in unpredictable ways.
- Take extra time to look for kids at intersections, on medians and on curbs.
- Enter and exit driveways and alleys slowly and carefully.
- Eliminate any distractions inside your car so you can concentrate on the road and your surroundings.
- Drive slowly, anticipate heavy pedestrian traffic and turn your headlights on earlier in the day to spot children from greater distances.
- Popular trick-or-treating hours are 5:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. so be especially alert for kids during those hours.
Meanwhile, Frozen fashion icon, Princess Elsa, gave pointers on how to keep costumes equally safe and fabulous. She suggests:
- Decorate costumes and bags with reflective tape or stickers and, if possible, choose light colors.
- Choose face paint and makeup whenever possible instead of masks, which can obstruct a child’s vision.
- Have kids carry glow sticks or flashlights to help them see and be seen by drivers.
- When selecting a costume, make sure it is the right size to prevent trips and falls.
- Swords, knives, and other costume accessories should be short, soft, and flexible.
Always test make-up in a small area first. Remove it before bedtime to prevent possible skin and eye irritation.
Lower risk for serious eye injury by not wearing decorative contact lenses.
Marge Simpson, HIA’s resident Martha Stewart, shared Home Safety pointers. When it comes to carving pumpkins, she has these to say:
- Small children should never carve pumpkins. Children can draw a face with markers while parents can do the cutting.
- Consider using a flashlight or glow stick instead of a candle to light your pumpkin. If you do use a candle, a votive candle is safest.
- Candlelit pumpkins should be placed on a sturdy table, away from curtains and other flammable objects, and should never be left unattended.
To safely receive visitors on Hallow’s Eve:
- Keep homes safe for visiting trick-or-treaters by removing from the porch and front yard anything a child could trip over such as garden hoses, toys, bikes and lawn decorations.
- Parents should check outdoor lights and replace burned-out bulbs.
- Wet leaves or snow should be swept from sidewalks and steps.
- Restrain pets so they do not inadvertently jump on or bite a trick-or-treater.
And of course, no Marge Simpson talk is ever complete without dishing out something about food and nourishment. Here are her recommendations:
- A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.
- Consider purchasing non-food treats for those who visit your home, such as coloring books or pens and pencils.
- Wait until children are home to sort and check treats. Though tampering is rare, a responsible adult should closely examine all treats and throw away any spoiled, unwrapped or suspicious items.
- Try to ration treats for the days following Halloween.
HIA President Batman capped off the proceedings by quoting something he found online, which, in real Batman fashion, came off quite dark, even morbid.
The quote goes this way: On average, children are more than twice as likely to be hit by a car and killed on Halloween than on any other day of the year.
People in the audience gasped upon hearing Batman’s closing words, but The Caped Crusader quickly added, “this is the very reason why HIA exists: To fight such nonsense.” Members of the audience, moms most especially, breathed a sigh of relief and went on hugging each other.
In what is perhaps the most touching part of the entire event, longtime adversaries and longtime members of HIA, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees, were seen and pictured shaking hands; a timely expression of forgiveness, peace, and camaraderie.
Happy Halloween y’all.