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October 29, 2015
Undisclosed City, Probably L.A., October 15 – Members of the Halloween Idols Initiative meet for the first ever Safe Kids Summit yesterday in the hopes of minimizing Halloween-related accidents involving children, and sometimes, sloppy parents, too.
HIA—a 3000-member strong association of otherworldly celebrities of both current and bygone pop culture tropes and characters— the oldest member of which is the Scarecrow, while the youngest include the current Halloween It-Emos from Inside Out, was formed primarily to keep Halloween as fun as possible, sans setbacks of any kind.
Appointed President, Batman, alongside department heads namely, Joy (Trick-or-Treats Trail Safety), Harry Potter (Driving Safety), Princess Elsa (Costume Safety), and Marge Simpson (Home Safety) gather with some 1000 members (other members failed to attend due to prior engagements) for a daylong discussion on critical matters such as “how long is safe-long in terms of lightsabers and how soft is safe-soft in terms of pumpkins.” After the close-room meeting, HIA officials faced the members of the press to share their agreed Halloween safety standards
Inside Out’s perennial life of the party, Joy, was the first to take the podium and joyfully discussed Trick-or-Treats Trail Safety. Here are her recommendations:
the left as possible. Children should walk on direct routes with the fewest street crossings.
Quidditch superstar and wizarding world heartthrob, Harry Potter, shared his recommendations on Safe Driving:
Meanwhile, Frozen fashion icon, Princess Elsa, gave pointers on how to keep costumes equally safe and fabulous. She suggests:
Marge Simpson, HIA’s resident Martha Stewart, shared Home Safety pointers. When it comes to carving pumpkins, she has these to say:
To safely receive visitors on Hallow’s Eve:
And of course, no Marge Simpson talk is ever complete without dishing out something about food and nourishment. Here are her recommendations:
HIA President Batman capped off the proceedings by quoting something he found online, which, in real Batman fashion, came off quite dark, even morbid.
The quote goes this way: On average, children are more than twice as likely to be hit by a car and killed on Halloween than on any other day of the year.
People in the audience gasped upon hearing Batman’s closing words, but The Caped Crusader quickly added, “this is the very reason why HIA exists: To fight such nonsense.” Members of the audience, moms most especially, breathed a sigh of relief and went on hugging each other.
In what is perhaps the most touching part of the entire event, longtime adversaries and longtime members of HIA, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees, were seen and pictured shaking hands; a timely expression of forgiveness, peace, and camaraderie.
Happy Halloween y’all.
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